|| plum tuckered out
Wal, yessuhterday's Thanksgivin' feast didn't went it as planned, cuss it all t' tarnation. We had fambly drive in fum all on over th' United States. Merle Jones fum Salt Lake City, Utah, Sissy May Jones fum Nebraxa City, Nebraxa, Henrietta Lynn an' Bobby Hamlin fum Pensacola, Flo'ida, an' Satan's brother Carl fum Devil's Fo'k, South Carolina. We was speckin' Lou Joe Blow, our third cousin twice removed fum Wanker’s Co'ner, Oregon, but he didn't nary show. We was also speckin' Delta an' her husbin Roy Jones an' their chillun Ben, Jodie, an' "Stinker" fum Podunk, Massachusetts, but their car flat busted down on th' way t'th' gas stashun.
Dinner was great... all th' fixin's. Co'n pone, grits, cranberry saooce, govment cheese, turkey, co'nbread, venison, possum, turnip greens, baked beans, succotash, sweet patooties an' sweet patootie pie, boiled cabbage, ham, barbecued possum, ribs, rabbit, an' co'nbread dressin'. An' thet ain't all, but ah's tired of talkin' about grub on account o' it's makin' me dang near hungry.
Granny choked on a wishbone an' cousin Merle said thet was arrony an' we didn't unnerstan' thet, but he said it was whut his wish was, so Paw beat him up wif a shank bone an' he got blood all on over th' boiled cabbage so we had t'throw it out. One of th' houn'dogs got loose an' hoomped up on li'l Jodie, an' Paw said he sar Big Foot takin' a leak in th' sweet tea, but yo' knows how his mind is.
Ah c'dn't even git near th' computer on account o' of all th' fambly hyar so ah decided t'jest update this hyar af'ernoon about it befo'e ah go down t'th' Quickie Mart t'git me some buttermilk so's ah can ett th' ress of th' co'nbread. Y'all come back now, ya hear?