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The Hamlins

7 October
External Services:
  • the_hamlins@livejournal.com
(disclaimer) (The Hamlins' friend us contest!)

We is th' Hamlins. This hyar is our LiveJernal an' we live in a trailer park in Louisville, Kentucky.

Wanna be an ass an' post rude comments? We kin be asses, too, by dawg, an' if'n yo' think you' can jest spam is, we'un's don't keer, on account of Stephie Lou has all th' free time in th' world t' delete comments.

This hyar is Amy May Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. She's got all her teeth, we guess, but we is not sho'nuff, on account thet we doesn't knows how menny teeth varmints is supposed t'have.

This hyar is Granny Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. She doesn't haf no legs on account o' she got them shot off in Vietnam an' th' houn'dog cornstantly jumps up unner her skirt an' licks her cooter while she's six packin' her Jim Beam, as enny fool kin plainly see.

This hyar is C.R. "Snake" Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. Eff'n he ain't off shootin' someone in th' ass, he's six packin' o' cussin' o' jest bein' dadburn homely.

This hyar is Stephie Lou Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. She's th' nerd of th' fambly an' has learned us all how t'use this hyar computer t'update our fambly journal. She nevah dates on account o' she wars glasses, ah reckon.

This hyar is Darlene Smothers-Hamlin, sister of fat_sally an' wife of Billy Bob Joe Bob "Danny Boy" Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. She is th' one whut brin's in all th' munny on account o' she is a who'e.

This hyar is Aunt Gertrude Maimsley, Amy's aunt, as enny fool kin plainly see. She likes t'curse an' smoke an' spit in people's faces.

This hyar is Mrs. Butterworth, as enny fool kin plainly see. We doesn't use her fo' our pancakes on account o' thet'd be rude on account o' she's a part of th' fambly.

This hyar is Bessie the chicken, as enny fool kin plainly see. We was a-gonna ett her fo' dinner back in '99, but Paw said thet we sh'd keep her as a pet, so we did.

This hyar is "Paw" Rayburn Jones, as enny fool kin plainly see. He is Amy May's Pappy. He likes t'chew tobaccy an' shoot possums, as enny fool kin plainly see.

This hyar is Billy Bob Joe Bob "Danny Boy" Hamlin, as enny fool kin plainly see. He is currently in jail fo' posteshun of illegal materials. That thur bail is set at $50,000; parole specked by June, 2004.

This hyar is Wally Th' Walrus, as enny fool kin plainly see. He is a nice Chritian feller an' he is basically th' glue thet holds us togither when nothin' else does. His evah lovin' kindness an' hope brin' us up when we is feelin' down.

This hyar is Amah's cousin Melvis, as enny fool kin plainly see. He's also known back home as Meatwhich Elvis. He ain't nothin' but no houn'dog, an' he ain't no friend of our'n.

This hyar is Satan, as enny fool kin plainly see. Ah ain't explainin' this hyar shit. Yo' figger it out by yo'seff. Ah's sho' yer smart inough.

This hyar is Miss Judy, as enny fool kin plainly see. She's a puppet. She does shows fo' th' homeless an' we doesn't knows whar th' hell she came fum, but we is keepin' her an' thass thet.

Well, bust mah britches an' call me streaker, that's all of us varmints.

Extry Interests:
bad breath, baked beans, banjoes, barbed wire, barbecue, barefeet, beer, beer and pretzels, beernuts, being redneck, Bibles, Billy Ray Cyrus, biscuits and gravy, blue suede shoes, bologna and ketchup sandwiches, brass knuckles, chewing tobacco, cinder blocks, coal, cockroaches, Colt 45, The Confederacy, Connie Francis, coon dogs, cornbread, country music, County Jail, cousins, cow tipping, cowboy hats, Crystal Gayle, dadburn, dead-end jobs, denture adhesive, dollar store, double wide, down south, drinkin', dry humping, dumpster+diving, eating raw fish, Elvis, Elvis is God, Elvis isn't dead, Elvis Presley, false teeth, Faygo cola, firearms, fist fights, Ford trucks, four wheel drive.
ambrosia salad, chicken coops, clotheslines, corn husk dolls, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, devilled eggs, dollywood, dulcimers, farms, feuds, fiddling, filling stations, garth brooks, general stores, gin, gingham, glass eyes, god, goodwill, government cheese, graceland, grand ole opry, greasy hair, grits, gutting deer, hank sr., hank williams, harleys, hating niggers, hayrides, hayseeds, hicks, hiding from the irs, hillbillies, hoedowns, hog jowls, holler, homemade abortions, honeysuckle, horehound candy, horseback riding, horses, hound dogs, inbreeding, incest, infrequent bathing fleamarkets, jack daniels, jenny jones, jerkwater, jerry springer, jim beam, jock itch, junebugs, junk, k-mart, lean-tos, life on the farm, lime green tiling, livestock, loretta lynn, marlboro reds, mcdonalds, mobile homes, moon pies, moonshine, mountain music, mullets, nascar, no-tell motels, old country buffet, outdoor plumbing, outhouses, overalls, pabst blue ribbon, pick-up trucks, picking and grinning, pickled eggs, pickup truck, pig roasts, pigs, pinafores, pink flamingos, pit bulls, possums, quilting, rat shot, rats, rebel flags, rebels, ricki lake, roadkill, rotten teeth, satan, save-a-lot, screaming, screen doors, sex in the woods, sex with aliens, shag carpeting, shitting yourself, shoofly pie, shooting rabbits, six pack, southern accents, space heaters, split-rail fences, square dancing, statutory rape, stealing from dollar tree, strippers, succotash, sweet home alabama, sweet potato pie, swimming holes, tammy wynette, tampons, teen moms, teeth, the good book, tractor pulls, trailer parks, trailers, truckstops, turnips, turtle soup, tv dinners, ugly furniture, unemployment, unibrows, vietnam, virginia slims, vodka, wal-mart, washboards, wheat, white trash, whittling, wood panelling, wrestling, wwf, yard sales